CheetahhhhhhhBlog Mark III

Not a lot going on in Cheetopia. I made a brief appearance at the office on Wednesday and, when the usual polite questions about how vacation went, I didn’t have much to reply with. I have a toddler and a pregnant wife, which means I can’t do a damn thing. It’s actually rather difficult for the Cheetahhhhhhh to get truly bored, because I have ebooks, and I spend an hour or two every day studying the stock market, and then the Bug demands a lot of attention. Nevertheless, there were one or two spots during this vacation when the Cheetahhhhhhh was genuinely bored and restless.

The new mall in RAK is finally open. We went to investigate today. It’s nothing special unfortunately, though maybe we’re a bit spoiled by all the goods available in Dubai. There is one thing about the new mall that makes the CHeetahhhhhhh really excited, though, and that’s Nando’s. Nando’s is a South African chain. They make Mozambiquean (what South Africans call “Portuguese”) chicken. And damn it’s good. When I lived in South AFrica, I ate at Nando’s almost every day. LOOOOOOVED it. RAK just got a little more exciting.

So on Sunday another semester starts. The second semester is always the long haul. The first semester always seems to fly by quickly, but the second always drags on forever. I think this is because you are anxiously awaiting your annual leave and it just doesn’t seem to come quick enough. Anyway 4 months to go, which is actually not much. I can kill 4 months no problem.

June 1st-Aug 30th, a nice 3 month holiday with this contract. I don’t know, but I suspect it will be extended a little further into September this year because of Ramadan.

In response to many questions about my stomach… I won’t know precisely what’s going on until next Saturday, when I have a follow-up visit with the doctor. He took a few samples of my stomach (scarry actually, what do they do, just scoop up some flesh???) and presumably it’s in the lab. The medication I’m taking does seem to be working, my stomach upset and pain is definitely going down.

One of my acquaintances from Saudi likes to send me email. His latest was an excerpt of Benjamin Franklin’s writing, where apparently Franklin spoke against the Jews. I don’t know if this is accurate. This got me thinking about conspiracy theories. I was administering placement tests today and just standing around for 3 hours. There are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around:

1. 911: El Qaida did it. The CIA did it. American rightists did it. Now, it seems reasonably clear to me that EL Queda did it, however, I have met many, many Muslims who simply refuse to believe that, and cite the videos of the incident where there are apparently weird flashes or something. They take this to be evidence of a CIA (etc.) conspiracy.

2. Alien abductions: Aliens are here now. They’re performing experiments on us. Given our level of technology, the very notion that aliens are infiltrating us strikes me as completely preposterous, but the conspiracy theory has a wide following, as evidenced by the success of the X-Files, for example. Just as our ancestors believed in unicorns and dragons, nowadays we have UFOs.

3. The CIA: evidence suggests their power and influence is not nearly as high as generally believed; for example, they couldn’t predict 911 and their intelligence on Iraq was completely inaccurate; nevertheless, for example, many South Americans hold the idea that the CIA controls South American politics. I once asked a Peruvian why in God’s name the CIA would want to control Peru… he had no good answer for that.

4. Jews: taking over world finance, controlled Hollywood, controlling US politics, etc… this conspiracy theory has been running for two thousand years at least (ie, at least since the death of Christ), and all I can say is, if they’re conspiring to take over the world, they’re sure taking their damn time about it.

5. The Red Menace scare during the Cold War: this one was actually true, the commies did have a stated aim of taking over the world

6. The Yellow Peril scare

7. The Black Peril scare in white supremacist Africa during the 1960s-70s: this one actually was arguably true also; the liberation movements did have a stated aim of destroying the white supremacist states.

8. Masons: they seem to be a non-entity to me, but there are lots of theories about Masons

9. The Roman Catholic Church: there are all sorts of theories about the church floating around, eg The Divinci Code. As a Catholic myself, I find this conspiracy theory particularly ridiculous. That “we” are presumably up to something is an idea that, I think, comes from the church’s immense wealth, and perhaps is a residue of the ancient EUropean conflict between Protestants and Catholics.

10. The White Australia policy: the idea that white Australia would be swamped by Asians

11. Israel: A bit different than the Jewish conspiracy theory. Some people hold, for example, that American foreign policy is working toward occupying Jerusalem before the apocalypse in order to fulfill some prophecy from the Bible

12. El Queda: while they clearly exist, there seems little evidence of a massive global conspiracy such as some in the previous US administration would have had us believe

13. The “liberal media” in the USA: as a liberal myself, all I can say is “What liberal media????” Indeed most of the major news organizations such as CNN and Fox are controlled by conservatives.

14. The US government controls the media: rather preposterous given our system of government, but a widely held idea. How precisely they would do this (given they way our media functions, particularly given the WWW) goes left unsaid.

15. The World Bank: some people would say that they’re holding the reigns of the world through economic manipulation. The fact that the world bank is, indeed, a bank, and that as with any other bank, they place conditions on loans… this fact somehow gets overlooked in the enthusiasm for a conspiracy.

Anyway these are the conspiracy theories that popped into my head after about 3 hours of pondering. I’m sure there are more.

What’s the deal with conspiracy theories, anyway? I had a friend in the USA who, whenever anything bad would happen to him would remark that “It’s society’s fault.” What I never said to him was that he was clearly displacing personal responsibility onto a nebulous Other. Conspiracy theories strike me along the same vein. As you can probably glean from my comments above, I find conspiracy theories to be preposterous. I’ve made some attempts, here and there over the years, to argue against this or that conspiracy theory. The problem is generally that a conspiracy enthusiast doesn’t want to  be convinced otherwise. Even if all evidence points against the purported conspiracy, he will still refuse to believe it. Some people, I think, like to have a bit of drama floating around in their brains.

A few days ago there was a massive thunderstorm, and we were freezing to death at night. There was snow in the mountains of RAK for the first time in history, it seems. The snow all melted after a few hours. It made the front page headline of the DUbai newspaper.

So I haven’t written in a while because I was starving, and then I was in Dubai. I had one of those procedures where they stick cameras in you. I forget what it’s called. I had to starve to death for 2 days to clear out mu stomach and intestines. Very unpleasant. We drove to Dubai on Sunday because I was getting feeble and seeing double from hunger, and I had doubts about getting there in one piece on Monday.

Anyway Monday I had the procedure. There is some sort of growth or irritation in my stomach, but it’s apparently not cancerous, and I’m taking some medication right now, and have a follow-up next week. I didn’t actually get a chance to find out in detail what the results were from the doctor, because I was still very groggy grom the anesthesia, but apparently there’s nothing to be too concerned about.

Now, I’m going to be completely frank with you guys. I really hate Dubai. It’s a pity because Dubai is actually very nice and fancy. However, driving in Dubai  is just such a nightmare that I have come to loathe the town. A little background is necessary here. Dubai is the world’s biggest building project. It’s a huge modern city that literally sprang up out of the sands from nothing 10 years ago. Something like 60% of the planet’s building equipment is in Dubai. Anyway for one thing, it’s impossible to get an accurate map of Dubai because it’s still springing up everywhere right around you. Also, because construction is everywhere, there are constant detours and blocked streets, so your map isn’t too useful even if it’s correct.

So, we stayed at the Meridien Fairway, which is right next to Welcare Hospital. (Bug didn’t like it there and wanted to go back to daddy’s house. He woke us up in the middle of the night to tell us this.) Today we wanted to go to Dubai Creek, so Bug could look at the boats and we could eat in an outdoor restaurant. We needed to go west on the highway but there was nowhere to turn around. We drove all the way around the airport two times before we finally managed to get westbound. Even still we could not find Dubai Creek. Well we could find it–we could see it right there–but there was nowhere to exit the highway. We drove into Dubai proper, and over another bridge, and still couldn’t find an exit to DUbai Creek. By this time we had been driving in circles for over an hour, and were starving to death, so we stopped at a mall, City Centre, to get a bite to to eat. When we finally left the mall and got back on the highway, there across the street was the Meridien Fairway. We had driven around in circles for over an hour and had managed to go about 20 feet. Anyway Dubai sucks.

While at the mall, Bug found the toy store and tried to buy 4 Thomas the Train characters. We got out with one thankfully. Sometimes Bug is reasonable and realizes daddy is not a millionaire.

Anyway I’m sorry to say, but I have to return to work tomorrow. It’s been a long vacation.

I heartly applaud Obama’s order to shut down Guantanimo Bay. Thank God we have a president with some sense. Hopefully he will soon be sprinkling magical fairy dust over a few other problems. I don’t know who I’ll have to bitch about now that the knucklehead is gone. I had a similar quandary when Dan Quaile left… who to make fun of now??? Anyway the knucklehead was the focus of all my negative feelings for so long, I almost miss him already. I’m sure I can fin somebody else to bitch about. Maybe I’ll join my wife in bitching about the president of the Philippines, Arroyo. I actually have no opinion about Arroyo at the moment but my wife sure doesn’t like her.

I’ve been enjoying reading W.E.B. Griffin lately. Started with the Honor Bound series. It’s not “literature” such as we would conceive of it in English departments; rather, it’s action/adventure pulp spy fiction. Griffin’s books all involve WWII, and the Honor Bound series is set in Argentina.I’ve pondered a bit why I don’t read literature any more. I guess this was because I was forced to read it in university for so many years. I readily recognize that Jane Austin is far superior to W.E.B. Griffin, but I seem to have no desire to read literature any more. I think it’s the entertainment factor. After grad school, literature just seems like WORK.

Well we finally have that knucklehead out of the Oval Office and so ends the worst 8 years in history (or at least my memory anyway). I feel quite confident and positive about the future now, and I hope this isn’t putting too heavy a load on Obama’s shoulders. Probably not… my expectations have become so low with that knucklehead that now, Obama could get my applause for just about anything.

One thing I hope to see is a change in international perceptions of America. It would be nice if it wasn’t embarasssing to discuss my country’s leader.

Vanessa is very pro-Obama, she sees him as pro-Filipino. He had Cherese Pempenko sing at his inaugeration though Vanessa says this isn’t the only reason.

The Cheetahhhhhhhh has been plagued with gastrointestinal problems for several years now. They seem to have been getting worse lately. So, we decided to go seek quality health care in Dubai. We went to Welcare Hospital, which many people have spoken highly of, and apparently the sheikh goes there. We have not been too impressed with RAK Hospital, where they seem to think Panadol is the answer to any problem. Anyway my doctor seems competent and he’ll put a camera into my stomach next week, pending insurance approval.

We got a little lost in Dubai and ended up in Dubai Creek, which is quite nice, with outdoor restaurants along the marina. We’re going to go back this weekend to take a boat ride, which I’m sure will thrill the Bug. We wanted to go to Festival City, but got completely lost somehow, and ended up in the desert in the middle of nowhere. The only reason we didn’t get even more lost is because the Emirates is a small country and we could do dead reckoning by keeping an eye on the mountains in the east. When we finally found a sign directing us to the Emirates Road, we both thanked God loudly and enthusiastically.

The CHeetahhhhhhh has been around the world quite a bit, and has driven a good portion of it, and I really have to say, Dubai is the absolute most impossible city to navigate I know. This is a bold statement considering some of the places I’ve driven, like Seoul and Jeddah. Dubai is far worse than either. Jeddah, for example, was laid out for camels, but at least was in a vague grid network. Dubai’s streets in contrast seem to be completely random and veer off in even more random directions. Dubai’s traffic is far worse, too. It is almost impossible to not get lost in Dubai. This fact really discourages our exploration of the city, which is a pity, because Dubai has everything and is indeed quite nice.

We went to the Musandam Peninsula with grandma. This peninsula is an Omani enclave on the mainland of the UAE, and its border is about 15 minutes north of RAK. We had been meaning to go for some time now actually. It is interesting to me as a traveller because it’s one of the more remote and difficult places to get to. There’s not a lot there actually besides spectacular scenery. The coastal road runs along cliffs. The road is stressful to drive in and of itself, because if you lose concentration for a minute, you’ll end up plunging off the cliff into the sea. However it was double stressful because of local driving habits. What kind of lunatic woud try to pass on a hairpin turn on a massive cliff? A local driver, that’s who. The most spectacular part of the Musandam peninsula is the fjords. We also visited a castle, which Bug quite enjoyed, though this was stressful for me because he wanted to stand on the parapets. We also took pictures on one of the cliffs and Bug wanted to run around on the cliff edge and almost gave the CHeetahhhhhhh a heart attack. There are pictures posted on my Facebook page.

Oman is really what you imagine Arabia is like, but never see if you’re stuck in Saudi and the UAE. Don’t get me wrong, I like the UAE. But Oman is picturesque and interesting in a way that the UAE simply isn’t. Going to Oman reminds me why I love to travel, which is something I tend to forget in the UAE and Saudi.

Grandma’s here visiting us in RAK. She babysitted Bug last night so that we could go to church in peace. It was almost like a date and one of the first times Vanessa and I have been alone in more than 2 years.

I’ve been living in hot climates for a long time now. This is ironic considering I don’t like the hot. I actually enjoy the cold. I really loathe sweating etc. Indeed when I’m in the Philippines I rarely go outside and I take 7 showers a day. So to hear my complain that it’s cold in the UAE is a bit unexpected even for me myself. But it’s a tad cold. I woke up many times in the night because I was so cold. We don’t have enough blankets and actually we have very little warm clothing. It’s all in Madison or Capoocan. The other day I broke down and bought a sweater at the RAK mall. Vanessa and I have a running joke that on any shopping trip, I never get anything, and mostly this is just because I’m a cheap bastard and refuse to part with the cash. However I was cold as hell in the mall and bought a sweater. I think today we’re going to go to Carrefour and get more blankets. By Wisconsin standards I suppose it’s not so bad here. I’m guessing but I’d say at night it got down to about 50F. Admittedly if it was 50F in Wisconsin right now, half the population would be running around in shorts. However, I’ve been living in hot climates for a long time now and I’m freezing to death!

We’re a bit bored here in Cheetopia. If it weren’t for a pregnant wife and a toddler, we could find plenty to amuse ourselves. We want to camp out on the beaches for example, and also there is golf. I really want to golf. However we can’t do anything at the moment. What are you going to do with a pregnant wife and a toddler???

I stopped watching and reading the news sometime during the Bush administration’s second term. I just gave up and decided I don’t care any more. This seems to surprise a lot of people. For example a lot of people at GMU are all fired up about the current crisis in Palestine. Honestly I don’t give a damn and I don’t even know what’s happening. I understand Israel is attacking and probably the Palestinians lobbed a few rockets at the Israelis… don’t really know and actually it’s happened before and it will happen again, I’ve decided to invest my dwindling supply of grey matter in other things. I taught a research class last semester, the kids researched current and historical events. Typical of the Arab world, there was a widely held opinion that Jews are evil and trying to take over the world. As an educated person I gave a few counter-arguments to this. Eventually I surrendered and admitted to the class, “I think you will discover that you’re wrong, Jews are no different than you or me, and there is no Jewish conspiracy to take over the world, however, in truth I just don’t care.” My students were flabbergasted. How could I say I don’t care about a massive Jewish conspiracy to take over the world???? One of my more intelligent students, who is widely traveled, gave me lots of examples from his recent visit to New York City and how it was clearly evident that Jews were in control of America. This of course is so ludicrous that it’s really not worth engaging with, but GMU is paying me a salary so I kept going. I wished I could take him to the real America, which is overwhelmingly Protestant. However I couldn’t do that so I tried to use reason. I said, “There are a lot of Jews in New York City, it’s true, but this is  not evidence that they control America, or indeed, the world” and it was over their head but I even spoke a bit about how correlation is not causation… but predictably enough however this had no impact on general opinion about the insidious Jewish cabal. Anyway where is this anecdote going? Eh, I really fail to get fired up over this current crisis in Palestine, because irrational hatreds are precisely that: irrational.

I’ve been teaching at a university somewhere in Asia for 7 years now, and not once has anybody told me to be tougher with my grades. Indeed I’ve consistently been told to be easier on the students. So you can imagine my shock when the head of English told me I’m being too easy on the kids. I said I have no problem giving tougher grades, indeed I think it’s the right thing to do, it’s just that nobody has wanted me to do this until now.

Anyway as a red-blooded male, I like spy novels, and my favorite author has always been John Le Carre, particularly The Honourable Schoolboy, which I have read a good dozen times. Recently I discovered Alan Furst, who may be as good as Le Carre or at least close. Now I’m re-reading Le Carre and enjoying it a lot. I’m reading Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy at the moment, and it’s such a good novel, and thankfully I seem to have forgotten enough details to enjoy the book once again. I just finished The Spy Who Came in From the Cold and had forgotten the whole thing. I had put Le Carre aside for about 3 years precisely so this could happen. I don’t like his more recent work so much; it’s the classic George Smiley novels that define Le Carre for me.

After almost a month of medical problems for the whole family, we seem to be doing OK lately. Vanessa is much better, up and about the house again. I have some nagging foot problem however, and so have taken to wearing tennis shoes, which make me feel foolish. I haven’t worn tennis shoes since high school, except for sport.
The Bug surprised us by memorizing all the characters of Thomas the Train. There are about 50 different engines in the story and I don’t even know them all, actually, but Bug does. His favorite book is the Thomas the Train calatalogue. He asks us to read it to him several times a day.

Bug will not let us cut his hair. We have gone several times to the barber. This barber has a special kid chair in the shape of a race car, and with a TV that plays cartoons. Bug cannot be distracted by these things, however. He doesn’t want his hair cut. Apparently he wants to have hair like grandpa.